


Of Gardens, Diamonds, Steel, and Evergreen Trees That Just Wont Die

by myshipsdontsail



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: 8th year fic, A lot - Freeform, For the most part, Harry Centric, Harry blames himself, Harry worries, Hogwarts Eighth Year, M/M, References to non-canonical character deaths, This Is Sad, but they apologize, draco doesn't, harry's just having a really hard time, just like Cho tho, maybe that's metaphorical, mentions of past Harry/Ginny, my writing is so vague even i dont know, refrences to canonical character deaths, ron and hermione mess up a little, so its fine, theres literally nobody else, they both punch a mirror
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-30
Updated: 2017-09-30
Packaged: 2019-01-07 08:59:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12229725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myshipsdontsail/pseuds/myshipsdontsail
Summary: His eyes are a garden, Draco thinks.His eyes are a garden that show the flowers in heart and the greens of his soul.It's really too bad that not many people are any good at gardening.OR, that tally AU where you get tallies for people you love.





	Of Gardens, Diamonds, Steel, and Evergreen Trees That Just Wont Die

Harry wears a bracelet around his right wrist. 

It's black, just like many of the tallies there. 

It symbolizes death, just like many of the tallies do. 

-

He tries to forget about them, but he just - he has so many.

So many more than he should. So many more than anyone else he knows.

They're supposed to stand for the people you've loved. 

Not friend love, though that is some part of it. They stand for only the people you have loved wholly throughout your entire soul.

This can be family, and it can be friends. It's common to have tallies for your parents, most people do. However, most only gain one or two more tallies for siblings or friends, then however many for their significant others.

Apparently when Harry loved, he did so strongly.

He's got eleven tallies on his right wrist. Of those, seven of them are black. Dead. One is jagged, much like the scar across Remus' nose. One is swiftly done, much like how he imagines Sirius to do absolutely anything. One is curved, almost oddly deformed. George. Two are loopily drawn, and is reminded that Cho and his mother were perhaps similar. One is almost a lightning bolt, a forewarning from his father. The last is bold, as Cedric was. 

There are two left red. One for Ginny, a faded pink signifying a love that was once there, but lingers no longer.

And there's one more, but Harry's ignoring it.

Most of the people Harry knows have no more than four, let alone almost three times that.

Almost everyone has less than him.

And most of theirs are still red. Still a dull pink.

Most of theirs aren't dead.

-

Draco has two tallies on his right wrist, and he hides them too.

He has less than anyone he knows, but they usually only have one or two more, and they usually have them for both of their parents.

Draco's got one for his mother of course, but none for Lucius. 

The other one - well. He knows who it's for. The only trouble is seeing if Golden Boy Wonder Green Eyes McGee holds a tally for him as well.

-

Harry pushes Ginny away. Tells her honestly that his tally for her is faded, as is his love. 

Ginny cries when she holds his hand and sees all the tallies there.

Ginny is a wreck afterwards, but she understands. Ron is angry at him for weeks afterwards, and Hermione sides with him this time.

He sits in silence as they ask him why he did this to their friend, why he did this to the woman he promised to marry. He says nothing, and they tell him they're not on speaking terms until he explains himself.

Until.

Until Ron catches him without his bracelet on in their dorm room, as Harry had forgotten to put it on after his evening shower. He's immersed in a book, finally reading Hogwarts: A History, when he hears Ron say his name, all broken syllables and devastation. 

"Ha- Harr -y" 

Harry looks up, confused.

"What?" He says, suspicious that Ron is seemingly finally okay with talking to him.

"Your- your" Ron can't seem to find the words, so he walks over and gestures toward his wrist.

Harry visibly freaks out. He abruptly drops his book and pulls his wrist behind his back. He glances up at Ron and waits.

"How many?" He says. "How many black?" 

Harry looks at the wall. "Eleven. Seven." 

"Harry - had I known - I'm sorry I -" he takes a deep breath. "I didn't realize. Let's talk again, yeah?" 

Harry swallows.

"Yeah." 

Ron's got almost as many tallies as he does, after all, but his are all red but one.

-

When Harry tells Ron that he's got a red tally for him and 'Mione, Ron hugs him.

When he tells him he's got one for Fred too, Ron hugs him tighter.

-

Later, 'Mione bursts into his room, gender segregation be damned, in full sobbing mode. 

"Harry." Is all she says before she hugs him. "Forgive me." Harry doesn't think he really has anything to forgive - he did break his best friends sisters heart - but he forgives them anyway.

The spat is forgotten, though Ron makes sure he's eating and is there if he's having nightmares. Harry hasn't decided if it's because he pities his tallies or feels bad for yelling at him.

Harry doesn't think he minds. It's nice to have someone worry about him for once. 

He asks himself again why he locks all his problems away in a lock box in his head.

Probably because he just has so many.

\--

Draco's got his eye on Potter, or Harry, or whatever! He can't figure out what to call a once-rival, now object of hiss affection.

Anyway.

He's got his eye on Harry, and notices how utterly withdrawn he's become. 

Harry doesn't speak to his friends for exactly 27 days, but you can tell by the downward turn of his lips and the occasional longing glance that it's something that the other 2/3 of the golden trio blame him for. Harry seems to accept it, and Draco wonders what bad thing Harry could've done against his friends - who he treated as family. 

When the 27 days are up, The weasel and the muggle born look guilty as hell and as though they realized that it wasn't Harry who'd done wrong at all.

Draco's eyebrow twitches in irritation, but not surprise.

-

Harry's walking out of the Great Hall a few minutes after the other two have left when he's pulled off to the right by his red tally. 

Harry looks up at Draco with a curious but suspicious look in his eyes.

Then, Draco turns to leave, turns back around, takes a deep breath, and says, 

"I'd never leave you alone like they did." 

In the midst of Harry's shock, Draco glides out of the room, but Harry can see the red tips of his ears and feels affection eating at his heart.

-

 

His eyes are a garden, Draco thinks.

His eyes are a garden that show the flowers in heart and the greens of his soul.

It's really too bad that not many people are any good at gardening.

-

Draco punches the mirror.

His eyes are just a wall of steel.

-

Not even 7 hours later, Harry stops Draco on his way to bed. 

"Your eyes are like diamonds." He says, fingers resting hesitantly on Draco's arm. 

He shakes his head, a blush on his face for saying such an embarrassing thing purely by reflex. "I mean - er." He takes a deep breath. "Your eyes are like diamonds," he repeats, "And I want to know them." He says.

"I want to know you." He says.

And Draco, ever the coward, runs away.

He mumbles out a rushed "I'll talk to you later" before sprinting away.

-

Harry breaks his own mirror that night.

His eyes are nothing but evergreen trees that never could die when the time came.

-

"Garden."

Harry looks up from his book to see Draco standing there, baffled by the seemingly random word.

"I'm sorry?" He says, too humiliated to look at his face.

"Your eyes are a garden." He says, and Harry looks up, hope in his fast beating heart. "Your eyes are a garden, and I want to plant flowers in them. I want to grow with them. With you." He says.

Harry just smiles, and takes Draco's hand. 

"I'm sorry I ran," Draco is saying. 

"I would have too." Harry says.

-

They're in the kitchens when the subject is finally breached.

"Do you have a tally for me?" Draco asks casually, and Harry puts his hot cocoa down.

"I do."

"I do too!" Draco smiles. "Can I see yours?"

Harry bites his lip, and Draco worries he's overstepped. But then, Harry nods, figuring Draco's going to find out anyway, what's the point in delaying Draco's realization that he's a freak - that everyone around him drops dead at some point? 

He undoes the bracelet on his wrist, and sees the exact moment that Draco realizes.

"Harry." He says, voice heavy and breaking.

Harry immediately regrets it, pulling his hand away, standing abruptly, saying, "I - sorry -" but before he can pull away entirely, Draco's got his hand pressed to his lips, a tear tracking down his face as he sees the evidence that -

"Love is a war, for you, Harry Potter." He whispers, looking into garden colored eyes and wishing he could see some sign of life.

"Love is a war full of battles you hardly ever win."

Harry cries, loud, heavy, like thundering rain.

And as he wraps his arms around Harry and holds him tightly, Draco thinks softly to himself that the garden is flooding.

-

Harry attempts to distance himself from Draco.

Draco, obviously, is having none of it.

"I don't understand why you're so busy all of a sudden, Potter," Harry flinches at the use of his surname, "So conveniently after you were vulnerable to me. Not scared are you?" He sneers, but reaches out to hold Harry by his arms, concern in his eyes.

The soft "You wish, Malfoy," isn't convincing at all.

Draco's resolve crumbles.

Despite Harry's saying he wasn't scared, Draco says, "Of what, Harry?"

Harry bites his lip and doesn't answer.

-

It's a week later, and Draco's finally decided to just drop the issue because he missed hanging out and fooling around with Harry.

Harry seems grateful for it, and on the second day of them forgetting Harry's issues, they're out flying.

Then Draco does something stupid.

He's just been informed of the infernal muggles "surfing" and wants to try it out on his broom. Harry's still on the ground, having lost the race to the pitch, gasping for breath, when Draco gets up on his feet on his broom. He looks down, to shout at Harry to show off, but ends up screaming instead.

Falling. 

Harry's there in seconds, and he's been caught and safely delivered to the ground.

Harry's angry.

"Are you okay?" Draco asks.

"Am I okay? What about you? Are you alright?" He says, voice tense.

"I'm fine." Draco says. "Why are you so angry?" He asks tentatively.

"I'm angry for the same reason I'm so scared all the time, Draco." He says, his shoulders slumping in defeat. He's shaking, and Draco wants to help, to comfort him, but he can't if he doesn't know what's wrong so,

"Why?"

"You realize you could've died, right?" Harry's shaking. 

Oh.

He really doesn't like where this is heading.

"What would I do if - how do you think I'd - what if that's because of me? What if this is some curse, that I love people just so, and then they just - what if it's me? What if you die because of some stupid curse that I carry around on my wrist everyday in the form of seven black tallies and four red ones hidden beneath a ratty old bracelet?"

Oh.

"Harry," he says softly, crossing the distance between them. "I can't promise to never die." He says slowly, carefully, "But even if I do, it won't be because you're cursed."

Harry doesn't look like he believes him.

Draco shakes his head. "Either way Harry, you can't keep thinking like this because- because I'm here now. I am alive. And you'd curse yourself if you didn't love me properly while I was alive because you were scared to lose me." 

Harry clings to him tighter at this, and Draco knows he's won.

"I love you Draco Malfoy. Please don't die on me," he half jokes.

"If I do it'll be way more dramatic than falling off a broom

Harry smiles. They walk back to the castle hand in hand.

-

It's not perfect. Most of the time Harry still has nightmares about all the death he's caused, and a lot of the time he's terrified about losing Draco.

But it's better, somehow.

Draco knows about the whole thing, and is there to reassure him he's not going anywhere. Draco frequently reminds him that he had no actual part in his tallies deaths as he didn't kill them. Harry still blames himself for Cedric and Sirius but he forgives himself the rest.

Draco's just - there for him. In a way that nobody ever has been.

There to talk to without judgement, without any tears or pity. Always on his side, even understanding when they fight, despite the fact that he disagrees.

He's there.

He's there now.

And Harry would curse himself stupid if he didn't take the opportunity to lean down and kiss him like they're the only two people in the world. He'd light himself on fire if he didn't take this opportunity to love him. Because life is short.

Life is short and you can't just worry about the ending of it all the time.

So he will love him, now.

And if time takes him away, he won't curse himself.

Because he loved him in this war, and even if it ends in death, Harry thinks this battle is won.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! A lot of this is sloppy but hey! Tell me what you think!


End file.
